Let’s just say, if I could be Marty McFly for the day, I would go back in time and help Anthony find his wife’s killer instead of going on this date.
Taco Tuesday. Tater Tot Tuesday. Tickle Tuesday. Tinder Tuesday.
That’s it. Okay, now we’re all on the same page. For a split-pea second I thought I overbooked my Tuesdays this month on my iCalendar. Thank goodness I keep all of my various calendars color-coded and organized. I should add that to my resume.
Okay, so where was I. Ah, yes. The infamous Graduate.
On Tuesday, July 22 at 3:54 pm I received a text. This was the beginning of the end. Or as Taylor Swift would say, “On a [Tuesday] at a cafe, I watched it begin [DIE] again.”
The Graduate: Hey, let me know when you get free (3:54 pm)
Me: Hey! I’ll be free by 5! in like 45 min. (4:14 pm)
[ONE HOUR LATER – ALL MY SPONGEBOB FANS, YOU UNDERSTAND.]
Me: Where would you like to meet? (5:15 pm)
The G: Is “some non-Starbucks establishment” still open? Want to meet there or at “some other generic non-Starbucks coffee place” as a backup? (5:16 pm)
Me: I have no idea where the first one is…never been there before haha Is it near “some local eatery”? (5:20 pm)
The G: Nearish? I think it might be closed anyway. Want to touch base at “some other generic non-Starbucks coffee place” in half an hour? (5:22 pm)
Me: Sure! See ya there! (5:23 pm)
[THIRTY MINUTES LAAAATER.]
The G: I’m posted up on the side with my iced coffee. (5:49 pm)
Me: Okey dokey! I’m walking right now. (5:56 pm)
As I texted him “I’m walking right now,” I was more nervously trying to make it down the first street block without getting a wedgie. “Oh gawd,” I thought to myself, “Why did I wear this free pair of underwear! It was free for a reason!”
Side bar: I get a lot of free Victoria’s Secret underwear cards in the mail. Sometimes the free underwear is SUPER comfy and sometimes it SUCKS BALLZ. This was already a sign from Captain Underpants, the underwear god, that this date was not meant to be.
I should add that the rest of my outfit screamed “cute yet effortless,” which is always a good way to make a first impression. I wore a free-flowing Free People top that had purple, orange and blue mini-stripes (I was pleasing all target audiences with that color palette), my favorite pair of skinny Joe’s Jeans (DARK WASH), black Christmas tree themed socks (I wanted to be festive down under) and brown Steve Madden Troopa boots (for comfortability and protection – let’s be real, a girl like me can kick some bootay with some army-style boots). Oh, plus a few spritz of True Religion by True Religion perfume on my body AND clothes (Perfume Tip #1 – use it like Febreze. You’ll thank me later). I was ON. POINT. and ready to get my date game on.
Anyway, while simultaneously trying to psych myself out, by repeating my main life motto in my head (My main motto is “Keep Calm and Carry On” – HIGHLY effective in this scenario. I recommend it to all people going on first HUMAN INTERACTION dates.), I managed to walk all the way to the cafe without breaking a sweat.
I re-read his last text to me, “I’m posted up on the side with my iced coffee,” probably more times than my grandma says, “hello?” on the phone before she can hear you on the other end. I was frantically trying to maintain a calm composure, while simultaneously trying to locate my somewhat of a blind date. The minute I opened the door of the coffee shop to go inside, I had about 40 beady eyes staring right back at my puzzled face (that’s 20 people for my readers who don’t like division).
“Oh no. They know I’m on a date! They know that I can’t find the person I’m supposed to meet! Crap. Quick – just pretend you see him outside and get OUT. OF. HERE,” my mind screamed to my brain (sort of counter-intuitive if you ask me).
Anyway, within 5 minutes of arriving at the coffee shop, I was already panicking and beginning to feel that my cover was blown to society. Luckily, when I decided to go outside, I turned the corner where the coffee shop had set up additional seating and lo and behold, I found him. [Insert The Fray’s “You Found Me”]
He was sitting down with his face looking down at the forest green patio table reading a book – a very large book. His glass of iced coffee – empty. Had I been that late? Or was he just super thirsty? Did he have diabetes? Extreme thirst is a common symptom of Type 1 Diabetes. [I should mention that I was pre-med before changing my major last minute in college. Yeah, O-Chem got the best of me. I’m a failure.]
I approached him by saying, “Hey!” which was then followed by him awkwardly getting out of his seat, almost dropping his very large book on the ground because he didn’t want to “lose his place,” just to give me a hug as I tried to give him a handshake. Yeah, it was one of those awkward first encounter hugs. Also, I never hug someone I DON’T KNOW when I first meet them. Do you? I mean, I prefer to give the person a handshake and if I like them, whether it is romantically or platonically, I say goodbye with a hug.
He then asked if I needed to go inside and get a drink, to which I replied “No, thank you. I’m good.” But, honestly, I would have loved an iced vanilla latte with room. I just didn’t want to go back inside the coffee shop and see those 40 beady eyes judge me a second time around. And, he clearly wasn’t offering to go inside and get a cup of coffee for me. So the answer was pretty much written in the proverbial stars.
Then, he asked, “How was your day?”
[to be continued]
How Long Will I Tinder You?
11 Days
How Long Will I Tinder You? 