I assume you have read the above image of my text message and now know that he wasn’t “The One.” Yes, for this post, I’m pulling a Benjamin Button on you #SorryNotSorry. The above image represents my “22-year-old hot-on-the-outside YET 80-year-old senior-in-the-inside self” messaging The Graduate a NON-tearful goodbye.
Disclaimer: This post will also be part of my multi-post series – The Graduate. I really want to express my inner-Stephenie Meyer and squeeze every ounce of whatever this is out. Also, I have a lot to say about The Graduate and I don’t want to write a dissertation as a post.
By the end of this series, I imagine I will be excited to never ever have to make another Benjamin Button reference in my life because it was bad enough that I had to see that movie THREE times while it was in theaters – (once with my grandma, once with my friends and another time with my mom because she wasn’t “in the mood” to see it when I saw it the first time with my grandma – STORY OF MY LIFE). I honestly was so sick of seeing Brad Pitt age backwards that I wanted to be Marty McFly and go back in time just to punch David Fincher for directing this film. For the record, I’m a highly curious person by nature, and I found ZERO curiosity inside of myself while watching this film – BUZZ. KILL.
Anyway, to keep with the B.B. theme, as of right now, I am a 80-year-old toddler typing on a keyboard with one finger at a low 3 WPM. Which is humorously quite fitting because 3 words is just about the same amount of words The Graduate used in total towards me over Tinder. Boy, was I an easy catch for him that day. No bait required! And it’s a shame because I really do love sour gummy worms.
We matched on a sunny afternoon on Friday, July 18 – he had already swiped right on me when I swiped right on him because then I instantly got “It’s A Match!” Even though my phone is stupid and I always know when “It’s A Match!” because my phone screen freezes and for a second I feel like I have ESP because I start to think “Omg. We’re gunna match. I can feel it!” and then sure enough, it’s a match. The same thing also happens when I get text messages, so either I have extrasensory perception or Steve Jobs created his phones this way like a #GENIUS.
Anyway, The Graduate noticed we were close by, so he messaged me first and said “Hi. I’m really busy, but shoot me a text (#678-999-8212) and let’s get coffee this weekend.”
(PSA: DO NOT CALL THAT NUMBER. Unless you’re a huge fan of Soulja Boy. #KissMeThruThePhone)
“Let’s get coffee,” I reiterated in my head. Hm. Sounds promising. He had decent pictures, he was nearby going to school and he didn’t come off as a d-bag or a creep, so I figured “eh, what’s there to lose – nothing.”
I texted him and said “Hey! Yeah, I’m busy this weekend, but I’ll be back on Monday.”
He replied within 10 minutes and said, “There’s a 80% chance that I will be busy doing TA work on Monday and 20% chance of being free – if you want to live in that moment. Otherwise, we can plan for Tuesday?”
My immediate thought was “How endearing is that! He uses percentages. He must be good at math.”
I replied back saying, “Haha okay. Tuesday works!”
And he said, “Cool. Looking forward to it!”
And that was that! No more messages trying to get to know me beforehand or anything, which I wasn’t used to from my previous matches, but then again, I figured he just wanted to “meet the real me in real life.” And, I was also very busy that whole weekend (Honest Hour: I was getting drunk off wine at a vineyard) and didn’t feel like texting him things that we would probably just say to one another on Tuesday.
Fast forward and BAM! Tuesday had arrived.
How Long Will I Tinder You?
11 Days
How Long Will I Tinder You? 