Update: Wow. I’ve been gone for quite some time. I definitely fell down a rabbit hole. No wonderland for me, unfortunately. But now, I’m back and in it to win it. Sorry to keep this particular segment long and drawn out. However, I’ve always been a fan of drawing long bold lines. It’s the non-architect sense of self inside of me. Alright, well, let’s get this American Horror Story: Freak Show circus back on the Tinder yellow brick road.
“How was your day?” – his very first question lingered in the deep depths of my brain like I was having a Jimmy Neutron brain moment (you know where Jimmy pauses as he has a personal neuron connection epiphany). I replied saying, “My day was great! I just worked all day long and then went home to eat dinner.” I asked how his week had been going so far and he said his day was full of helping the undergrads understand concepts for their next midterm. He added that he had been at the coffee shop trying to prepare for his next discussion by reading as he pointed at the giant textbook that took up 2/3 of the small circular café table in front of us.
The Graduate then proceeded to ask me the generic “get to know you” questions like “what do you like to do for fun”…. “what was your major”…. “what do you want to do in the future”…. “what type of music do you listen to”…. “what is your favorite Crayola Crayon color.”
(Just kidding, noone has ever asked me what my favorite Crayola Crayon color is – but let me tell you, when a guy does – oh boy – I know he’ll be the real keeper of my snitch for #lyfe)
Snapple Fact: I’m a big fan of Tickle Me Pink.
[Insert Beyoncé “Single Ladies”]
As I answered his questions, I would always end each answer with a “how ’bout you?” and he would reply accordingly as we continued to play our game of 20 questions. Once we had somewhat “completed” the initial get-to-know-you phase, he asked, “Do you want to play a card game?”
My go-to immediate reaction to hearing the words “card game” always makes me have a That’s So Raven moment where I flashback to all the times growing up where I floundered at playing Go Fish! and Poker. No one ever taught my helpless “Uno” soul how to play cards (pun intended).
Anyway, like the outgoing, “never scared” person that I strive to be on a daily basis, I said “Sure!” I even added an exaggerated tone of “yay!” to my “Sure” because I knew my hatred of cards would be pretty apparent with my normal tone of voice. And as it turned out, he didn’t even notice at all, which was evident by the speed at which he pulled out his deck of cards (wink wink 😉 … NO. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
Although, the rate of speed x velocity demonstrated to me that he definitely wanted to show me what he was twerking working with. (Okay, that was the last one. I’ll stop. “Tickle Me Pink”-y promise.)
The card game ended up being a card game that I had never even heard or seen before in my existence. It was called “Love Letter Kanai Factory Edition.” As current as November 9, 2014, you can purchase this card game for $9.60 on Amazon. I don’t really know how to describe this game, so I have taken the product description from Amazon for a quick explanation. Okay, so this card game is “a game of risk, deduction, and luck, for 2-4 players. Get your love letter into Princess Annette’s hands while keeping other players’ letters away. Powerful cards lead to early gains, but make you a target. Rely on weaker cards for too long and your letter may be tossed in the fire!”
Long story short: I got tossed into the fire – multiple times.
I floundered like Flounder trying to go ashore with Ariel to play frisbee with Max on the hot sandy beach.
For a full 80 minutes, we played this card game – partly because there was nothing else to do and partly because I’m a very competitive individual and I secretly wanted to win at least one round at this awful game, so each time he would ask, “So do you want to play another round?” I would reply with my go-to “Sure!”
A life lesson a la date that I learned from this was that you should always be 100% honest with the person at all times. So, in retrospect, I should have been honest with him and told him that playing “Love Letter” was actually the equivalent of stepping in gum and spending an hour trying to remove the sticky mess from the sneaker’s bottom crevices. Of course, that gum comparison would have been translated from my mind to mouth in the form of a much more pleasant and aesthetically pleasing to the ear – “This has been fun, but I think I’m good now.”
Overall, he didn’t even have the mental capacity to realize my true feelings during those torched-filled 80 minutes because he was having such a grand ‘ol time playing against a “noob.” He literally would get so excited each time he would defeat me in a round. Like. Okay, bro. You own this game. I wouldn’t expect anything else. *Red Flag #1*
Time Check: Almost 8pm.
He finally noticed that the “fun-o-meter” was quickly going down (I’m yelling Tinder) and he proposed that we migrate away from the coffee shop and just walk around the neighborhood. I was quick to oblige to this suggestion as I had no intention in continuing to entertain this card game and I really just wanted a change of scenery.
He first put away his treasured “Love Letter” card game back into its crimson red, velveteen pouch and then followed that up by putting away his massive Harry Potter-sized textbook back into his black, nondescript messenger bag.
When we stood up to leave the infamous round table of my Not-So-Knight-in-Messenger-Bag-Armor, he quickly cross-bodied his bag and then asked, “Do you want to go geocaching right now?”
[to be continued]
How Long Will I Tinder You?
11 Days
How Long Will I Tinder You? 